A diva is only as good as her tour demands. And if the alleged tour rider that’s surfaced on the Mrs. Carter Show World Tour in the U.K. has any legitimacy, Beyoncé is goooooood.
“She expects her list of demands to be adhered to,” a source supposedly told Daily Star, explaining that Beyoncé turned down the opportunity to use the O2 arena’s new dressing rooms in favor of a dressing room that ususally accommodates an entire sports team.
Well, joke’s on them, because she used both!
A rep for the O2 tells E! News that Beyonce is using the sports rooms and the newly refurbished ones, and she seems very pleased with the space she has. Still, we’ve ranked her alleged rider demands from least to most diva-licious:
6. “Hand-Carved Ice Balls”: For Queen B to “suck on,” this is still just frozen water. We expected better from Beyoncé: Hard-carved ice balls made only of imported water that was fetched from the wells of Switzerland by small Swiss children whose only worldly possession is a pair of lederhosen.
5. “Freshly Painted White Walls and a New Toilet Seat”: This is just standard building maintenance. Would it be insane for Bey to except the structure-bearing beams to be intact? Or for her to expect that all emergency exits be cleared? Dang, just buy a new toilet seat and toss it on the can.
4. “Red Toilet Paper”: We can think of reasons this might be useful. They’re all gross, so we’ll leave it at that.
3. “100 Percent Pure Cotton Clothing for Staff”: The Daily Star presumes that this measure is taken to “save [Beyoncé] from allergic reactions,” which is convenient for Beyoncé but inconvenient for the crew member allergic to cotton and forced into a Froot of the Loom full-body suit. But that crew member can be replaced (to the left, to the left) while there’s only one reason everyone else on the tour is even getting paid in the first place: Beyoncé, crusader for cotton.
2. “Titanium Drinking Straws”: These straws apparently cost £600 (roughly $935) and are used to drink special alkaline water (which is basically just water, but better water) and served at exactly 21 degrees. If it is served at 22 degrees, prepare yourself for a face full of special alkaline water when it’s thrown back at you. But it won’t scald you or anything, it’s only 22 degrees.
1. “No Junk Food”: The rider demands that all junk food is strictly forbidden, while glass platters of almonds and oatcakes are bountiful and the salad bar “nibbles” are overflowing with greens. So maybe Beyoncé wants to keep things tight, but if we were a backup dancer on that tour, we’d be like, “I just ‘Single Ladies’ danced my ass off behind you for hours, so what if I want an M&M, bitch?”